Stop Being Scared of Recovery

It's so much easier to be scared in eating disorder recovery than it is to be brave. The entire process--entering the unknown, shedding an "identity" (however false it may be), doing everything that's counter-intuitive, willingly getting uncomfortable--is quite frightening from the outside. Is it worth it? What if, what if, what if . . . ?

As someone who's not even done recovering yet, I'm right there with you with the fear and angst. But there comes a moment when you realize you don't really have a choice anymore. I can either let my eating disorder control me and my life and steal my health and youth, or I can take action. That's the key: taking action. Being brave. DOING recovery instead of just giving it lip service.

Here's the good news, though: recovery does not have to suck. Yes, you read that correctly. This whole ordeal doesn't necessarily need to be the "ugh" that we've made it out to be. Find ways to enjoy recovery so that it's sustainable and loving instead of forced and unpleasant! I, for instance, have discovered the joy in yoga and am learning to see it as something beyond a "form of exercise." Thinking in terms of "exercise" is detrimental to my mental health (and therefore to my physical health), so I keep reminding myself that yoga is an ancient and all-encompassing life practice and that the asanas are fun and flowy and that I don't "have" to do any specific routine to "do yoga." 

Speaking of which . . . . 

I've also found recipes that make nourishment more appealing. For a long time, I've avoided so many of these recipes I'm going to make now because I was afraid they had too many calories. Even when I wasn't trying to be afraid, I unconsciously tallied calories up in my head. Two dates in that shake? That's too much. 

But what's the freaking point of doing that anymore? When my blood sugar gets too low, I get angsty, moody, irritable, and actually begin to fear food more than when I've just eaten. Earlier today, when my blood sugar wasn't too low for me to think properly, I saw a banana-date shake recipe online and decided that it looked really yummy and would be a fun snack for the afternoon. Immediately, a little voice popped into my head and said, "But your normal snack is much smaller!" On any other day, I would've given into this voice, but today I told the voice to shut up. I remembered what I'd learned in yoga--that our perception determines our reality and that we can control our reactions--and I decided that I was going to make myself a banana-date smoothie with all the nut butter and protein powder I wanted to add to it just because I could. And I did. And it was awesome. I was "doing recovery," and it didn't involve any sweat or pain. It was fun. It tasted like bananas!

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