Yoga-ing All Day

I used to fear double pigeon pose, but since I began doing it every day, it's gotten easier. I'm learning to push through the discomfort and just be in my body, working with it as opposed to against it. It's easy to start judging yourself in yoga. You're trying to do a forward fold or wheel pose or get your knee aligned above your ankle, and then all of a sudden you're noticing how your thigh doesn't look "right" or how uncomfortable it feels to brush against your own side.

But then, when you sit with that discomfort and breathe into it and just observe it, you can get out of your head and into your body and realize that your body isn't 'wrong." It's not imperfect or flawed; it's just what it is. It doesn't need to be changed. 

Initially, it can be scary to accept and ease into the moment--to really settle into every line and mark and fold and curve of your body--but the magic lies in softness. If it were easy to be relaxed and comfortable with and in yourself, then mindfulness/yoga/etc. wouldn't be a practice. It'd just be something we wake up doing!

Even if the experience of being "in" yourself is difficult at first, know that, the more you practice it, the more natural it will be become. When I slip into disordered eating patterns, I tend to become hyper-focused on a specific body part. I'm very aware of my stomach and then start analyzing it, judging it, and wondering why it doesn't look like it "should." UGH. All this does is push me into my deep, dark little hate hole of insecurity and despair. When I'm trapped in the hate hole, it's really hard to climb out. I'm also usually accompanied by Gollum. He's sitting there cradling the One Ring while I cradle my self-criticism, self-doubt, and body dysmorphia. Needless to say, neither Gollum nor I has a particularly pleasant time in the little hate hole, and I highly recommend that you avoid going down there/ It is not a fun place to be!

Today, instead of leaping into the insecurity spiral, I focused on just going through the yoga movements mindfully and acting as an observer to my thoughts. We can all do this. It takes practice, and it isn't always easy, but it's better than sharing a cave with Gollum. The next time you're starting to judge your body, take a minute to step out of your head and back into your being. The thoughts can come, but they don't have to determine how you feel about yourself.  Breathe in for three counts and breathe out for four counts. Longer exhalations lower anxiety. And yoga poses like tree and Warrior II can help to ground you. They say, "Hey, let's get out of the head space and into the body space! Soft and strong!"

Soft and strong. In body, in mind, in actions.

<3 <3 <3