New Year's Recovery Goals

Happy New Year, loves! This can be a wonderful time for refreshing and reflecting, but it can also be a time that is fraught with self-judgement and self-hatred. I'm trying to make the season of twinkly lights and hymns last as long as possible, but as Christmas is now over, most of the media has shifted its attention to diets. I wrote quite a bit about the whole "new year, new me" mindset in my last post, and I'm definitely noticing just how much pressure there is to "make up for the holidays."

SIGH.

What are we really "making up" for? It's awesome to do things that make your body feel better--taking a walk with your family, eating something nourishing and warming, drinking a cup of tea--but please don't jump on the restriction bandwagon! It's crazy tempting, I know, but it's not worth it. I'm reading BrainwashED by Elisa Oras, and I've learned so much about how chronic dieting hurts our bodies. Think about it: how can our bodies trust us if we're constantly depriving them of nourishment and forcing them into insane exercise routines?

How our bodies feel when we're chronically dieting (Giphy)

Instead of setting yourself up for another round of what Elisa calls "Diet Merry-Go-Hell," how about taking 2019 as an opportunity to set yourself up for long-term health awesomeness? I'm proposing a challenge for all of us eating disorder warriors to actually get better. Woah, there, wait a second . . . what if that means changing physically? Change = scary!!

But isn't change the whole point of recovery? If I were healthy right now as I am, then why would I even need to recover?  

Snacks, increasing intake, getting rid of "sick" clothes, decreasing physical activity (see below) . . . these all freak Bellatrix* out, but if I want her to let me go, I need to make her as uncomfortable as possible. Even if that means she'll make me a bit uncomfortable in the process.

When you're not supposed to exercise in recovery . . . . (Giphy)

My "new year, new me" plans include doing most of the things that the fitness magazines tell you not to do, but, just like everyone else, I'm doing these things in order to get healthy. We're all different. If you're getting over anorexia, for instance, eating dessert every night may be just what you need to do in order to be the healthiest version of yourself. PLEASE, don't judge yourself, restrict yourself, or hurt yourself. Be your body's best friend. All your body wants to do is to keep you alive, so let it.

Talk to yourself like you love yourself, eat like you love yourself, and move (or rest) like you love yourself. Following breakfast, a morning snack, and lunch, I'm feeling kind of uncomfortable, but I'm sitting (not standing, running, or pacing!) with a heating pad and doing my homework. The fitness magazine says I should skip a morning snack, go on a run, and fast as long as I can, but I'm not going to do that because I've tried already tried all those things. I've done exactly what the magazines want me to do, and guess what? My skin dried out, I became irrationally afraid of eating, and I spent a good portion of high school stressing about how to avoid eating dessert at my birthday. I'm sick from Bellatrix, and I'm sick of Bellatrix. 2019 is not her year.

<3 <3 <3 

*Bellatrix is the name I use for the eating disorder voice in my head. Note that I adore Helena Bonham Carter and Harry Potter. I only call the eating disorder voice "Bellatrix" because I love movies and literature and Bellatrix is a really scary villain.