Hugs and Resources to Support Eating Disorder Recovery

I haven't written anything here in a while now.

A lot has changed.

The world is a very scary place sometimes, and right now, we're experiencing something that I couldn't have predicted.

How are you? How are your loved ones?

I'm very grateful that I get to be home with my family. The school I teach at is transitioning to an online format, which has been challenging, but my heart is with the first responders and the heroes that are making it possible for the world to maintain some level of normalcy.  And my prayers go out to those who are suffering right now.  The other day on the news, I heard a rabbi talking about the difference between "inconveniences" and "problems." Inconveniences are the little things that we tend to feel anxious about or frustrated with. But they aren't problems, and the more we learn to handle them, the better able we will be to handle real problems when they arise.

Gratitude.

It all comes back to gratitude. And service.

For anyone dealing with an eating disorder, know that focusing on gratitude and on service will make the whole recovery process so much easier. Trust me. I've been battling Bellatrix (the ED voice) for nearly seven years, but I've made a lot of progress in the past three months because I've finally stepped out of my head and into my life. I've started trying to give back in what little ways that I can while also constantly reminding myself of how lucky I am to have the opportunity to heal.

Eating disorders like to trap us in the worry trails in our minds, and--at least for me--focusing too much on myself and my thoughts made these trails even harder to escape. The more I got into my head and my feelings of discomfort, anxiety, etc., the stronger Bellatrix became.

I'm not saying that it's bad to talk about our feelings. I actually met with a therapist last semester, and having someone to talk to is incredibly important.

But remembering that there is more to life than the stories we tell ourselves is important, too.

Lao Tzu taught that "what is small is easy to scatter." The smaller our lives become, the more easily the winds of anxiety can sweep them away. We need to root ourselves in things that are lasting--like faith, love, and gratitude.

That being said, I have some resources to share that I hope will help anyone dealing with eating disorder thoughts, body image challenges, or even just general feelings of anxiety.

Yoga With Adriene
If yoga is something that you and your treatment/support team agree would be supportive to you, I can't recommend Yoga With Adriene enough. I did the Revolution series with my mum last month, and Adriene's flexible attitude and fun personality serve as helpful reminders that movement should never be a punishment. In one of her videos, Adriene even says that she doesn't "subscribe" to the "no pain, no gain" philosophy. She's a good role model for loving yourself and everyone else.

The Real Life RD
Another good role model is Robyn Nohling, FNP, RD. In her blog, she debunks nutrition myths, shares fun recipes (marbled banana bread, anyone?), promotes intuitive eating/HAES, and provides a plethora of resources surrounding female health and wellness. I've been reading Robyn's blog for a long time, but I actually got to meet her in person this year. She's awesome and brilliant, and her perspective on health is so freaking refreshing after spending so long in the diet culture rabbit hole!


Mimi Kuo-Deemer
I found Mimi through the qigong videos she posts on YouTube, and her calming demeanor and graceful presence inspired me to read Qigong and the Tai Chi Axis: Nourishing Practices for Body, Mind, and Spirit, her first book. I LOVE THIS BOOK. Mimi is a yoga teacher who incorporates qigong into her practices. Qigong is a Chinese healing system based on fluid movements inspired by the five elements (Earth, Wood, Metal, Water, and Fire), and being of Chinese heritage myself, I love incorporating qigong's principles of balance and fluidity into yoga (and into my daily life).  Mimi is also currently offering donation-based yoga and qigong classes online via Zoom.

<3 <3 <3 Frances

A New Earth

Hi, friends! I realize that I neglected to write anything during National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (February 25th to March 3rd), but midterm exams, transfer applications, and work somehow managed to absorb all my time. March 1st was a big deadline for me, my mum, and my brother, and the days leading up to it felt unusually foreboding. But I'm incredibly grateful to be getting a brief respite period now because it's Saturday morning and the imminence of my other work deadlines hasn't quite hit me yet.

The weather here lately has been a bit crazy--balmy one day and then snowy the next. I'm becoming increasingly disturbed by climate change. Flowers blooming much too early and frog eggs frozen in ice break my heart, and I'm overwhelmed by all that is happening in the world. I've recently applied to study Spanish and ESL Education because I hope to work with refugees, and it's clear from climate predictions that global warming is going to lead to the displacement of thousands because certain areas of the planet will become impossible to live in due to rising sea levels and temperatures. This will be very tragic for animals and plants, too. :(

But I don't mean to morbid or pessimistic here. While I clean, I often listen to podcasts, and Oprah's series with Eckhart Tolle about A New Earth has given me hope for things getting better. Right now, so many of us--often at no fault of our own--feel "separate" from those around us. It's difficult to recognize that we're really all very connected, but the awareness of our unity is what's required for us to make lasting changes. We need to acknowledge the fact that we're all in this together. We're all Earthlings together. We're all part of the incredible, frightening, and perplexing complexity that is life.  Hate, fear, anxiety . . . these are all just symptoms of disconnection. We need more hugs.

 

I try to remind myself of this whenever I'm entering the "Upside Down" (Stranger Things reference). That's the place my mind sometimes goes to when I let Bellatrix or Gollum go all "my precious" on disordered eating habits. When I step outside of myself and realize that I'm this little blip on a sphere floating in an endless universe, I remember that what's really important isn't whether or not I eat meals x hours apart. What's really important is that I recognize that we're all connected to each other and that the world needs more love in it. Love for ourselves, love for those around us . . . .

Love is healing.

<3 <3 <3

Recovery Resources

In an effort to put something positive out into the universe, here is an image of an adorable seal cub:

Found on weheartit.com (uploaded by Paty Pegorin)

Knowing that this seal cub is out there makes everything feel a little bit better, doesn't it? (Being myself, though, I am of course now worrying about climate change and the melting ice caps . . . .)

In the spirit of yesterday's post on honesty (Satya) and asking for help in recovery, I want to share some recovery resources today. These are just a few of the articles, websites, blogs, podcasts, and videos that have helped me and motivated me in the recovery process. It's reassuring to have people to relate to and look up to in recovery . . . they can serve as reminders that, no matter how loud the inner Gollum is, recovery is not only possible but also totally worth it.

Podcasts

• Nourishing Minds Nutrition 
• Meg and Victoria are dietitians who focus on intuitive eating, health at every size, traditional foods, and hormone healing. They've both struggled with eating disorders, and in their podcast, they cover everything from exercise addiction to environmental sustainability. 
• Liveng Proof
• I found out about this podcast on the Nourishing Minds Nutrition podcast. Engrid is a personal trainer who dealt with disordered eating and exercise habits for years before discovering intuitive eating and mindful movement. Her show features episodes on the "pain body," femininity, sexual trauma, and holistic wellness, and her guests include psychoanalysts and chiropractors. 

YouTube

• A Case of the Jills
• Jill is a former marathoner who went through hypothalamic amenorrhea and exercise addiction, and her videos are insightful, honest, and moving. She answers questions primarily related to "detraining" and HA recovery, but for anyone who has a disordered relationship with exercise, I highly recommend her channel. 
• Follow the Intuition
• Elisa is the author of BrainwashED: Diet Induced Eating Disorders, and her YouTube channel features videos addressing issues about recovery from bulimia, anorexia, orthorexia, OSFED, and exercise addiction. Basically, she discusses everything, and her honesty and openness are encouraging and reassuring.
• MegsyRecovery
• Meg is an adorable newlywed who not only features her cute cat in her videos but also has videos from multiple stages of recovery. She answers viewer questions in each episode, and some of the episodes that helped me the most are the ones addressing "not feeling hungry" and the fear of "losing fitness." Meg also sometimes shares tips from her therapist.

Blogs and Websites

• A Life Without Anorexia
• Izzy now blogs at It's a Healthy Lifestyle, but her original anorexia recovery blog still has all its old posts up. She blogged throughout her recovery journey, so there are posts from every stage of recovery, which can be helpful for someone who's struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
• Wholly Healed
• Jess is a Certified Eating Psychology Coach who specializes in "functional endocrinology." Her posts address many of the myths propagated by the media that are hurting women's hormonal health. Reading about how chronic cardio, fasting, and calorie restriction may actually do more harm than good really opened my eyes!
• RawRitta
• Ritta recovered from orthorexia and exercise addiction, and her caring personality and honest videos and blog posts are encouraging and reassuring. 

There are many other helpful resources out there, but these are some of the ones I return to the most often. What blogs/sites/videos/podcasts have been helpful for you?

<3 <3 <3 

Self-Care When You Don't Have Time

The April snowfall has caught me completely off-guard, and because I'm inside, I'm dressed for spring weather and have to keep reminding myself that if I go outside my legs will turn blue. Oops.

Getting ready for school and work this morning, I watched my mum rush to get out the door, off to help young children readjust to being in school after Spring Break. Because she's a teacher, her Spring Break wasn't as much of a holiday as it was a time to do all her work at home. Teachers don't get as much time off as people tend to assume they do. I'm in college studying to become a speech therapist, and I'm working as a substitute teacher in the meantime, so I get a lot of exposure to #teacherlife. Teachers are loving and dedicated, but their days are stressful. For teachers and nurses and doctors and etc, etc, etc, everyday life can be hectic and crazy, and when you're a person who cares a lot about other people and making them happy, life can get even crazier. What's really ironic is that, with the rise of the self-care industry, a lot of the people who have the easiest time incorporating self-care are the ones who might not need self-care as much as the people spending all their time serving others. I'm not at all saying that self-care is selfish--it's actually quite necessary. But it hasn't really reached the audience that I think it would be the most beneficial for because that audience is too busy sacrificing themselves for the well-being of their kids/jobs/parents/pets/etc.

Teachers will understand this question. (From Giphy)

When we try to figure out how to make "self-care" work, we hear a lot about super-complicated morning routines, cleanses, and retreats. It's easy to say, "Oh, self-care works for me!" when you've been on a one-week yoga and meditation retreat and start every morning with breathwork, self-massage, and crystal cleansing. There's nothing wrong with any of these things--they're awesome and can be very helpful--but I think that we need to figure out how people who work twelve-hour shifts and have endless homework can incorporate self-care into their lives easily and affordably.

Self-Care Ideas for Busy People (from Other Busy People):

• Try to go to bed 30 minutes earlier. Or even 15 minutes earlier. IT MAKES SUCH A BIG DIFFERENCE SOMETIMES.
• Find some sort of fun activity that helps you feel relaxed and centered and try to do it whenever you feel overwhelmed, even if it's just for 15 minutes. I love yoga and dancing. There are some great short yoga videos on YouTube, and all you need for dancing is music (and you).
• Breathe. Just in, and out. Focus on it. Relax. You can do this anywhere, anytime.
• Wear colors that make you happy. Seriously. Pink perks me up.
• Find a power song. It can be anything. My brother loves Arcade Fire.
• Add some fresh fruits and vegetables into your diet. They're nature's happy treats, and there are so many to choose from. Avocados! Bananas! Apples! Cucumbers!
• Plan a fun event you can do easily every week, like at-home Go Fish with your family or Netflix-ing with your cat.
• Find a book. Don't put pressure on yourself to finish it quickly. Just read a few pages whenever you get a chance. It'll be like exercise for your brain and for your feelings.
• Give yourself a hug. Then hug a friend. Hugs. Hugs. Hugs.
• Pick a desktop background that includes a cute baby animal or a wildlife scene.

<3 Frances

Spring Cleaning, Bunny Yoga, and Meditating with a Cat

It actually feels like springtime today, and snow is in the forecast, so I've sort of given up on trying to figure out what's going on with the weather. I feel like Mother Nature is screaming at us that global warming is a serious issue. I mean, it's snowing in April. For this part of the world, that just isn't normal. It's a major warning sign that we need to start taking the environment seriously before the earth starts looking like it does in Bladerunner. (Speaking of which, we saw Bladerunner 2049 recently, and it was really good. So plan a movie night. And remember to recycle.)

We're cat-sitting right now, and one of the fuzzballs we're taking care of is an incredibly chill, relaxed little fellow who I'm looking to for zen-spiration. When I feel myself getting stressed out or needing to "control" everything, I try to remind myself of what this cat would do in my situation, and, even if I can't roll around on the floor, I can at least take a deep breath and center myself. Yoga has been helping with this, too. If you're anything like I am (Type A, worrier, etc.), chances are that your first attempts at yoga might leave you feeling a bit frustrated and seeking the immediate release of hardcore cardio, but for some of us, focusing on stillness, flexibility, and breathwork is way more beneficial than pushing through 100 burpees. Trust me. I've been the 100 burpees girl, and I'm still recovering from the long-term effects of overexertion. It's not worth it, friends!

Is it just me, or does spring make anyone else feel weirdly optimistic?  I put on a spring-y blouse and shorts today to do homework, prep for the class I'm going to start teaching soon, and clean the living room, and the thought of warm breezes and flowers has me all excited even though I've got a bit of a pollen allergy and really am not looking forward to the summertime humidity. I'm sending out positive wishes to everybody and hoping that everyone is having a loving Friday <3. Because of all the sadness and tragedy in the world, I want to share some more inspirational/happy thoughts today:

• This is the story of Ziki, a little boy in the DRC who was rescued from a life as a cobalt miner and now gets to go to school.

From CBS News

• This is a video about Heifer International, which helps farmers in Asia, Latin America, Africa, and the U.S. I listened to a podcast (link here) about Heifer and was inspired to find a video about it :).

• This is a song that we've had on repeat recently. I hope you like it, too! :) 

<3 

Frances

Daydreams, Music, and the Olympics

Songs are like books. They keep us company. I've been listening to a lot of Florence + the Machine lately (and Kate Bush and the Smashing Pumpkins and Lykke Li, lol), and I found a quote by Florence Welch that I think is a good reminder to all of us to embrace our inner children every now and then:

From EnglHub

Did anyone get a chance to see the opening ceremony for the Olympics last night?  I was really excited to get to see some of it with my younger (but much taller) brother. He and I spend a lot of time together . . . we used to eat lunch together every day in high school, which people thought was bizarre because teenage siblings usually aren't best friends.  But there's nothing quite like getting to be fully and unapologetically yourself with someone who knows the extent of your introverted, ridiculous awkwardness! Anyway, the opening ceremony was really beautiful. It captured so much of Korean culture in such a magical fairy tale way--complete with phoenixes and giant white tigers--and at the end, there was a performance of John Lennon's "Imagine" that almost made me cry.  Here it is, in case you missed it:

Beautiful, isn't it? I'm very excited for the figure skating portions of the Olympics. It's like seeing a ballet performance, and the flexibility, strength, and grace of the skaters are amazing.  They can spin and leap and jump while on ice. Meanwhile, I'm over here trying to sort of/almost do a semi-decent Natarajasana (Lord of the Dancer) in yoga. (And now I feel all yoga-y because I just used the official Sanskrit term for a pose for the first time.)

The "ShibSibs" (from NBC)

I'm sending sweet thoughts for everyone on this second Saturday in February.  The time around Valentine's can be difficult sometimes, but please remember that you are loved <3, and please take some time to show yourself some loving-kindness, too. In my research on movement and creativity therapy right now, I've found that cultivating compassion for ourselves and others is just as important for well-being as movement (I hesitate to use the word "exercise" because it can be anxiety-provoking) and wholesome nourishment (not dieting!) are. I've been feeling stressed out lately because of some personal stuff and because of some new jobs that I'm excited about but also nervous about, and taking time to breathe and ground myself has been very helpful. So is this video here by Michelle Elman:

If you haven't watched Michelle's TEDX Talk, you definitely should. It's incredibly moving and beautiful.

That's all for this morning. Now back to my essays :).  Big hugs for everybody!

<3 Frances

Things Like Stars and Yoga and Podcasts

“When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don't seem to matter very much, do they?”  

It's Virginia Woolf's 136th birthday today! She's one of my favorite writers, and when I was accepted to study English at KCL last year, I couldn't believe it because KCL was the school she studied at. I obviously didn't end up moving to London and attending KCL, but I keep the letter from them on my desk just because I like seeing it.  And it's a more positive reminder of Virginia Woolf than the movie The Hours is.  I love The Hours for its tragedy and depth, but if I watch it again I'm afraid I'll end up an emotional wreck.  Are there any particularly heartbreaking movies that you feel drawn to?  I have a hard time not watching sad movies or reading sad stories because they're so powerful.

From Wikipedia

Speaking of which . . . this month, I discovered the On Being podcast.  Whenever I'm doing work-work, school-work, or house-work, I like keeping company by listening to podcasts, and the On Being show is amazing. Perhaps the best description of it is from the pod's website:

On Being opens up the animating questions at the center of human life: What does it mean to be human, and how do we want to live? We explore these questions in their richness and complexity in 21st-century lives and endeavors. We pursue wisdom and moral imagination as much as knowledge; we esteem nuance and poetry as much as fact. 

I'm hoping to write more here later about episode suggestions, but if you have the time, you should definitely listen to the episodes with Marie Howe and Matthew Sanborn.  Howe's episode is perfect for Virginia Woolf's birthday. It's about "how language . . . has a power to save us," and it explores the way poetry brings experiences to life and makes us each a little less lonely.  Sanford's episode is about feeling compassion and appreciation for our bodies, and Sanford's story is incredibly compelling.  Paralyzed as a 13 year-old, he now teaches yoga to everyone from those overcoming physical disabilities to teens battling eating disorders, and his perspective on life is eye-opening. You really have to listen to the episode or read the transcript to get the full impact of his thoughts, but one of the things that he said that stood out to me the most was that, instead of focusing on ways in which his body isn't working, he focuses on all the amazing work it does just to keep him alive. Wow. It's beautiful.

From Daily Mom

 

The last little tidbit for this morning is (cue fun music) morning yoga! Yay! There is a lot of struggle and disconnect and resistance in the world right now, and stress is something that we all experience on a daily basis. As you may know from previous posts of mine, I've been working to combat the body-image/control issues that have resulted from anxiety, and when I'm stressed, I have a tendency to want to move into GOGOGOGO mode. 
But Ayurveda teaches us that like increases like. If you're freaked out and high-strung and do activities that build on those feelings, then they're just going to get worse. So I've had to hang up my "harder, faster, stronger" fitness mentality and focus more on softness and flexibility, which I've come to realize may actually be better for my health than constantly pushing the limit was.  Truth is, running fast and far may be exhilarating for some, but for me it usually just meant feeling wired.  I got high off the endorphins, but then all I could think about was the endorphins and when I'd "hit the wall" again . . . which is bad!  Now that I'm foregoing heart-gargling intensity for yoga, I'm finding that I'm thinking a lot more clearly. I've always appreciated yoga, but I never realized just how true all those "yoga changes your mind" stories are. The past three days, my mum and I have done short Yoga With Adriene or Lesley Fightmaster videos together to detox after work, and during one of Adriene's detox videos, my mum and I actually managed to really breathe for the first time.  We didn't take those shallow stress breaths we normally take but rather long, deep breaths with audible exhalations, and it was really freeing to be loose and fluid, not tight and rigid.
So if you're feeling anxious or knotted up or under pressure, maybe take five minutes (yes, just five minutes) and try a little "feel good" movement with Adriene.  See? I'm making it easy and putting the video right here, just a click away :).

 

 

Much love and light!

<3 Frances

To Risk for a Butterfly

"Yellow decided to risk for a butterfly."

-Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers

 

It's been almost four months since I've posted anything here or even opened a draft, but sometimes silence is needed for words to come, and I'm excited to be writing again.  Combined with the eclipse and a new school and a new job, it's almost like a new chapter is opening up, and I hope that, as the moon passes over the sun tomorrow, there will be a shift that allows the universe to open up to better, happier, more peaceful things for everybody.
When I was little, my great-grandmother shared a story with me about one of her dear friends, Janet.  Janet had a deep appreciation for all of the beauty of the natural world--especially rainbows. When she was in her fifties, she spent a day with her mother and my great-grandmother.  It was a perfect day, but during dinner that evening, Janet began choking and couldn't breathe.  "She died," my great-grandmother told me. "But the next morning, there was a rainbow."
I've held that story in my heart with me for so long that I can find its essence in all of my writing, and I kept thinking of it when we were in Santa Fe this July to honor my great-grandmother. On the day of her ceremony, we were all outside, and it began raining.  Not enough to force us indoors, but enough for a rainbow, and I took it as a sign of my great-grandmother being there, with us, watching over us. (I know that not everyone is drawn to spirituality/religion/etc., but for me personally, I've found great comfort in a belief in spirits and ghosts and saints.)

"The Lotus and the Rose" by Dixie Gladstone

As for how butterflies figure into this . . . recently, I've struggled with a lot of anxiety.  My mum has been trying to help me with it, and I've been coming to the realization that it's okay to "let go." "Letting go" doesn't mean not working hard or giving up ambitions and commitment.  Rather, it's a way of opening up to trust and acceptance.  By relaxing ourselves and opening ourselves up instead of shutting down/closing off/becoming rigid, we're actually much more effective than we are when we live in fear and angst and stiffness.  My grandmother and my great-grandmother both believed in this, and on a difficult Wednesday a few weeks ago, I was at work and found a pile of "giveaway books" sitting on a dusty stairwell.  Stuffed beneath several math textbooks was a copy of Hope for the Flowers, Tina Paulus' beautiful, poignant allegorical picture book that's "partly about life . . . partly about revolution . . . and lots about hope . . . for adults and others (including caterpillars who can read)".  My mum used to have a copy of Hope for the Flowers herself, but she gave it away to a friend at a time when they really needed its love and optimism, and finding it felt like a meant-to-be miracle because it's not the easiest little book to come across. To avoid giving away too much of the plot, Hope for the Flowers is about caterpillars and their lives as they journey to become butterflies, and it makes a brilliant point about the courage it takes to become a butterfly.  I mean, think about it: you spend x amount of time as a caterpillar, and you get pretty comfortable, and then all of a sudden you're supposed to wrap yourself in a cocoon and put all your faith in the universe that you'll come out alright on the other end of the process. Anyone who has ever seen a dried up chrysalis with a dead caterpillar inside knows that getting into a chrysalis and hoping for the best doesn't always work out for our poor caterpillar friends; they really have to be brave.  But becoming a butterfly is worth the risks involved, isn't it?  If you want to make changes--real, remarkable, lasting changes that will make your life better--a  little risk is involved.  I'm not saying step into a place that is dangerous or that will hurt you just to "change" (there's a difference between "uncomfortable" and "harmful"), but try stepping out of your comfort zone sometimes.  I need to hear this just as much as/sometimes even more than anyone else does, and, as the school year picks up, I'm doing my best to embrace the opportunity to let go and open up. Take a deep breath.  You can do this.  You, too, can "risk for a butterfly."

<3 Frances

Link Loves and Must-Reads 4/20/17

School work has entered full on crazy mode.  The end of the year is always this way, with deadlines and exams and presentations and after-hours obligations, and I'm so so so grateful for every minute I have that's not booked by something. There's nothing quite like those ten minutes between when the alarm goes off and when I actually get out of bed in the morning, LOL.

• Affirmations Are Powerful by Julia Grigorian 
• I love Julia's blog (Drops of Jules), and this post on affirmations is something I've been going back to ever since I first read it. It's so easy to get caught up in worry trails and negative thinking patterns, but by being mindful of how we're talking to ourselves and perceiving our situations, we can really improve our overall mental health.  Julia's three-step affirmation process (acknowledging negativity, recognizing irrational thoughts, and empowering truth) is a very helpful tool, too.
• Meet This 7 Year-Old Syrian Girl Writing a Memoir About Life Under Siege by Kareem Shaheem
• This Book Riot article is about Bana, a seven year-old Syrian girl who has seen more suffering and hardship than many of us can imagine. And she's writing about it now. She. Is. Amazing.
• Among My Swan (Full Album) by Mazzy Star
• I have this on repeat right now.

<3 Frances

Realistic Health Goals and Letting Go of Control

Hi, friends <3.  I'm more awake this morning than I usually am, which is saying a lot because I'm typically out of the apartment by 7:20 every weekday.  Don't think that's because I like getting out that early, though--if I had it my way, work wouldn't start until much later in the day, even though I'm much more of a "morning person" than I am a night owl.  I used to be a night owl, and I still really love TGIF movie nights, but work obligations have forced me to adapt to a morning-oriented routine. I've found that getting up and dancing on Saturday and Sunday mornings has helped me to adjust because it gives me a positive association with earliness.

dancing + chocolate + books = happiness

Anyway, with my increased energy this morning (which I assure you will likely fade before my first class, lol), I got to thinking about control and societal expectations and ideas surrounding control. There's no doubt in my mind that most people have some sort of innate desire to be in control. It's comforting to feel like you've got a grip on what's going on at all times, and that makes a lot of sense given evolution. I mean, when in survival mode, control can be beneficial. It provides reassurance that things will work out at least enough that you and your family will live another day. But, like everything, control has a "shadow side," and sometimes the very things you think you need to control/are controlling end up controlling you. 

I know I've definitely struggled with control.  I'm a "creature of comfort" and really, really like routine and predictability.  Chaos = anxiety = ugh, and, as I mentioned earlier, society really does like to amp up the whole "be in control and everything will be fine!" mentality.  I'm still just "seeing the light" with these messages, too, so I'm by no means immune to them, but it's been helpful to be more aware of them.  I mean, look around you . . . so many magazines, articles, ads, etc., feature actors and models talking about their rigid fitness regimes or diet plans or daily schedules.  Don't get me wrong--I'm all about feeling healthy and happy and making life a happy, relaxed place for yourself, but I've been slowly realizing over the years that sometimes giving into all these media messages is really unhealthy.  Everywhere we look, there is a celebrity describing her "typical day.":

She gets up around 7:00, immediately drinks warm water with lemon, oil pulls, stretches, and then hits the gym for an intense session--weights and cardio, five to six times a week, with one active recovery day thrown in for good measure. She avoids sugars, additives, and salt, and she limits her carbs to 1/4 c oatmeal at breakfast, a sweet potato at lunch, and 1/2 c cooked quinoa at dinner (which doesn't happen any later than 7:00 because #digestion, right?).  Oh, and then there's a piece of dark chocolate (JUST A PIECE) at night if it's a Friday or Saturday. 

Okay, so now that we've read this, it's time to examine our own lives.  Just like with everything, there's a light and shadow side to this.  On the light side, we can say, "Oh, okay, maybe instead of staying up till two AM and then getting up at six AM, I can try to go to bed earlier.  That will help me feel less exhausted, and maybe my skin will clear up.  And maybe I'll try lemon water in the morning and that dance/Pilates/etc. video I saw on YouTube when I have time after school.  That sort of thing might energize me."  But on the shadow side, we can say, "Okay. No more rice. Ever. And only a 1/4 c of oatmeal, even if I'm hungry.  And I need to incorporate weights into my training now, and I can only rest one day a week, and then I need to walk for 60 minutes to make up for it . . . " This sort of thinking might make us feel "in control" temporarily, but whenever something interferes with our plan, we feel like everything is falling apart.  We become dependent on our routines and our rules, and if we can't live up to our expectations of ourselves, we fall into negativity and self-criticism.  

Is this healthy?  Trust me, darling--it isn't.

Audrey Hepburn: "Happy girls are the prettiest." (Image from smooth.com.au)

One of the best pieces of advice that I've ever received (and I admit that I need to do a better job following it) is balance.  Balance and moderation.  This advice came from a loved one who has passed on recently, and I've been trying to focus on it more because of how true it is. Complete carelessness and excessive control haven't ever benefited anyone.  Find a happy medium for yourself--a place where you can just exist and lead a full, happy life with things that you look forward to, manageable responsibilities, and some sort of meaning. The best thing about this happy medium is that you can start striving for it RIGHT NOW. You don't need to order any fancy products or sign up for a service. All you need is yourself.

<3 Frances 

Link Loves and Must-Reads 3/10/17

In honor of whatever flu/stomach bug/bronchial infection is currently making rounds through school, I'm taking a sick day.  (In other words, I am ill.  Woohoo.)  But I've developed a new sort of love for tea.  If I could carry a tea kettle around with me at school and work, I seriously would do that.  Unfortunately, my backpack is already big enough to make me look ridiculous enough as it is.
Since I'm home, I have a little bit more time to do classwork and long-term projects, and I thought I'd take the opportunity to share some of the things I've had sitting here as links for the past two weeks.  Yay!

• What I Ate Wednesday: It's Unhealthy to Eat Only Healthy Food by Alexis Joseph
• This article from the Hummusapien is really refreshing given the current "all-or-nothing" attitude that the media is preaching when it comes to health and fitness and well-being.  It's awesome to make healthy choices so you can feel your best, but there's a big difference between taking caring of yourself and being obsessive.  Having a fixation on health can actually be really unhealthy.  This is something that's become more and more clear to me over the past few months.  That said, it can be difficult to identify what behaviors are healthy and which are obsessive because of al of the hardcore images of wellness that we're constantly being bombarded with.  Alexis's post is something I think everyone who struggles with balancing true health and happiness with obsession and anxiety needs to read because Alexis (an actual RD) has a very honest and un-obsessive attitude about taking care of herself.  Unlike the Photoshopped fitspo pics preaching two-hour workout sessions, green drink lunches, and dessert-less evenings, Alexis talks about how "[t]here is so much more to life than golden milk and smoothie bowls and toast covered with berries and almond milk yogurt." Thank you!!
• A Story of Bats, Agaves, and People by Kristen Lear
• I love Bat Conservation International and all it does to help take care of our little bat friends, and this story is awesome because it shows just how we can help people and animals at the same time.  YAY for environmental conservation efforts!  There's such a huge relationship between the health of the natural world and the health of the human one, and we often forget about this relationship when we're thinking about "progress" and "industrialization."  But true progress is about maintaining a balance with nature and respecting our ecosystems so that our world doesn't end in a sad spiral of global warming and pollution.  I mean, look at Bhutan....a carbon-negative country that measures progress based on GNH (Gross National Happiness). I think we have a lot to learn from Bhutan! (And from bats.)
• If social media is toxic for you . . . do these 4 things by Cassey Ho
• This sort of relates to the first article I linked to.  Looking around me, I realize just how many people (many of whom are very young) have fallen into the trap of comparison.  I'm definitely not immune to this myself. Even without a smart phone and all the apps that come with it (yup, I've got a little flip phone and LOVE IT), I'm definitely affected by comparison.  I'm so incredibly grateful every day for little things like hearing my hermit crabs playing in their houses or talking to my mum about work, but I also really love fashion magazines (guilty pleasure), and that usually leads to #comparisonproblems.  Social media is such a huge contributor to comparison because it inundates us with a Photoshopped version of reality.  Why, we wonder, is everyone so happy and glamorous and perfect all the time?  Well, here's the truth: they aren't!  Think of social media as a big filter.  People are only sharing what they WANT to share.  And for every Snapchat story of an epic vacation, there's something very sad going on in the world (i.e. deportation, famine, war, etc.).  Comparing ourselves to each other is such a waste of time. Should a blueberry compare itself to a banana?  NO.  Both fruits are totally awesome in totally different ways. 

<3 Frances

3 Big Ways Stress Wereaks Havoc in Your Life

Dramatic title, right?  But it's totally appropriate.  We're taught all this stuff about how to lead "healthy, happy lives"--eat this, never eat that, always work out, count your macros, get strength and cardio, work all the muscle groups--but the whole "reduce your stress" thing is a trend that, while popular, is particularly difficult to subscribe to.  Meal-prepping seems markedly easier to accomplish than lowering your cortisol levels does, especially in our fast-paced world of PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE. (Okay, maybe I overdid it on the capital letters.)
The thing is, even with all these "wellness rules" that are designed to help make our lives more, well, lively, stress continues to be a major contributor to chronic un-wellness.  I know you've heard this a million times before, but this time, please listen.  It's almost springtime.  Spring clean your life this year!  KICK. STRESS. OUT.

• Stress damages your skin.  There is a direct correlation between my forehead and lower jaw and exams.  I can actually feel myself actively breaking out when I'm taking a test. When your body releases cortisol (the hormone stress causes), your immune system activity is reduced, and you need a high-functioning immune system to keep blemishes and inflammation at bay. But stress isn't just connected to acne.  Long-term stress can also affect the length of telomeres, the caps at the end of DNA that protect if from degradation.  If telomeres decay, then cells decay and age, and that means wrinkles and lines.
• Stress messes with your metabolism.   When you're stressed, your body enters "fight or flight" mode, which is great if you need to outrun a zombie but not so great if you're just trying to have a happy day.  To give you energy for fight or flight mode, your body pumps glucose into your blood stream, and insulin resistance ends up impaired, so you're blood sugar goes on a wild ride that can leave you fatigued and metabolically down: "even if [people] don’t actually comfort-eat to deal with stress, their metabolisms slow down, their energy expenditure decreases, their hormones get all off-kilter, and their blood sugar regulation goes down the drain."
• Stress can make you miss out on quality sleep.  We all know how important sleep is for everything from encouraging cell growth and repair (#beautysleep) to helping you process and store things you've learned (#studying)., but when we're stressed out, getting the quality 7-9 hours we need to function at our best is a lot more difficult.  Our minds are racing with all the things we need to get done, so we can't drift off into that wonderful REM space of recharging and restoring, and we're so full of stress hormones that our bodies don't relax enough to be refreshed in the morning.

I've been paying more attention lately to just how easily I get stressed out and just how prevalent stress is in my everyday life, and I'm encouraging those around me to do the same.  My mum, for instance, is one of the most hardworking and caring people I know, but stress is a big issue for her because she has a tendency to give give give and never rest rest rest.  But you can't expect to be well if you don't try to prioritize health!  

<3 Frances

Why You Should Make a Library Pilgrimage

The summers when I was in elementary school and my mother was working and my grandmother was still alive, she used to take me and my brother to the library so we could participate in the summer reading challenges.  Read x number of books by y date, and you get a little prize.  Somehow in the joy of small plastic frogs and miniature Slinkies, I didn't realize that the real prize of the summer reading challenge was the books-with-my-grandmother part, and our times at the library became some of the memories I now revisit whenever something is scary or sad or difficult.  But I hadn't really re-lived anything like those memories recently, save for all my literary talks with my mum.  Today, I changed that.  I walked up and down the aisles of the school library and rediscovered the rush of finding a book, picking it, and actually checking it out to read.  Checking a book out is like making a commitment to yourself to spend time with a friend, even if it's just for a short while, and I can hardly describe how exciting it was to take the book out of the library with me and know I'd get to go home and share it with my mum later. I felt like a six year-old again, and the best part is that, as I was leaving, I saw all these other books--everything from an anthology of French literature to a novel of the Irish potato famine to a tale of heartbreak--and cataloged them in my mind to check out later.

The book I found at the library today.  It's not a novel by any means, but it's full of beautiful art and poetry.
Win!

Where am I going with this?  Well, if you've been stressed or anxious or worried lately, I strongly recommend that you make a library pilgrimage if you get the chance to!  Literature has such amazing healing abilities, and there's nothing quite like the rush of picking a world to educate yourself in and disappear into.  It's like travelling but without the stress of airports or passports or money.


<3 Frances

Link Loves and Must-Reads 1/18

I'd told myself I'd write this on Monday (aka two days ago), but it just didn't happen.  Happy post- post- Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!  I spent most of the holiday running up and down a rainy street trying to locate an apartment building, doing work for school, and feeding pets.  One positive development from this weekend is that my hermit crab has stopped climbing upside-down on the roof of her little house. She's finally seemed to realize (hopefully) how dangerous that is. . . .

Hermit crab antics aside, though, here are some shares for the day:

• The Truth About Change by Heather Waxman
• I love Heather's kind, holistic approach to living and connecting with our inner "soul sisters" (or brothers, etc.).  Her post on change is full of so much truth, and it always makes me feel a bit better to consider how change isn't something to be fought but rather a force we can work with.
• This Superbug Is Resistant to All Antibiotics -- and Has Killed Its First American Victim by Tom Philpott
• Okay, this one is very sad and upsetting and scary, but I think it's important to read anyway because it gets into the conversation about antibiotic-resistant bacteria and their relationship to factory farming. Factory farms are a a major user of antibiotics, and they're also responsible for massive animal cruelty.  My prayers are with the family of the woman who died, and also with animals in factory farms all over the world.
• 5 Things I've Learned Living with 500 Plants by Summer Rayne Oakes 
•  We may not all be able to afford nice Brooklyn apartments filled with plants, but this is a quirky reminder of how beneficial time in nature is.  And it's an inspiration to start an indoor garden. We have lots of little plants around our tiny apartment, and some of them have been around since I was a baby, so I often think of them as siblings. Looking at the pictures of Summer Rayne Oake's plant-filled abode is fun because all the green is so refreshing.  It's amazing how much I want to go hug a plant right now.

Best Wednesday wishes!
<3 Frances 

Link Loves and Must-Reads

Hi, dears!  Happy 2017!  (Yesterday was technically New Year's Day, but it's the thought that counts, right?)  I'm getting ready to go back to work (school) tomorrow and have been teaching/volunteering today, but I'm excited to have some "must-reads" to share with you in case you find yourself with a spare moment. I know that seems unlikely given the whole rush of getting back into the "daily motions" of the post-holiday season, but I'm pretending that the holidays are still going on.  Our Christmas tree is still up, and I intend to keep it up as long as possible.  And I refuse to stop listening to Lissie's cover of "2000 Miles" despite it being a Christmas-y song .  .  .  .

• The scientific reason you should be watching Planet Earth by Jessica Hullinger
• Did you know how good being in "awe" is for not only your health but also your relationship with the world around you?  Given all the tragedies of the last year (and even the last few days), this article makes me really really really really want to watch Planet Earth II and then force everyone around me to watch it, too.  We all need to just sit in a group circle talking about swimming sloths and amazing tree frogs until we can achieve peace.
• Diana Vreeland: Why Your Flaws Are Your Most Important Asset by Words of Women
• With all the insecurities we have about our flaws, former Vogue editor Diana Vreeland's thoughts on using flaws as strengths are pretty freaking inspirational.  Diana was one of the forces behind the whole "unique beauty" movement.  You don't "owe" anyone prettiness, and stereotypical ideals of prettiness are irrelevant and just plain ugh. YOU are your style.
• We'll Never See These Animals Again by Laura Smith
• This article is a lot more depressing than the first two, but it's SO IMPORTANT that we take its message to heart!!!  Knowing that ocean acidity has increased as much as it has devastates me, and I'm traumatized that Toughie (the last Rabbs' fringe-limbed tree frog) has passed away.  PLEASE read this and spread the word. I'm so grateful to be hearing about what Obama has done to protect the environment, and I'm really going to miss him. 
• Daily affirmations from Louise Hay
• You Can Heal Your Life has been on my mum's bookshelf as long as I can remember.  Through death, autoimmune disease(s), major life stresses, etc., that book has always been a source comfort. The little affirmations available online are really sweet and uplifting and inspiring--perfect for the new year (or any time of year!).  So take a moment to treat yourself to a little positivity.

I hope you all find these link loves as meaningful as I do :).  Hopefully there will be more to share later, but for now it's time for some psychology textbook reading . . . .

<3 Frances

O Tannenbaum

It's almost Christmas . . . how is that even possible?  I'll miss Christmastime when it's over.  But what's really sad is that there are a lot of awful things going on in the world right now even though the holidays are supposed to be a time of love and peace.  I always think of the "O Tannenbaum" story when times are hard like this.  It was 1914, and World War I had been a horrible reality for several long and bloody months, but Christmastime somehow brought with it a feeling of beneficence between soldiers on both sides of the trenches.  Their shared appreciation for the beauty and sentiment of the holiday season is equal parts touching and heartbreaking because, while it did bring a sort of peace to the battlefront, the peace was only temporary, and men who had once shared in carols and football games were soon forced to return to killing each other.  In the words of Pvt. Albert Moren:

“First the Germans would sing one of their carols and then we would sing one of ours, until when we started up ‘O Come, All Ye Faithful’ the Germans immediately joined in singing the same hymn to the Latin words Adeste Fideles. And I thought, well, this is really a most extraordinary thing ­– two nations both singing the same carol in the middle of a war.” (from TIME)

I can only hope that maybe we'll be able to find peace this year for people all over the world and that the peace will last.  Every time I see footage from Aleppo or think of what just happened at one of Berlin's beautiful Christmas markets, I'm overcome with sadness and pain and an overwhelming longing for peace. Shouldn't we be able to learn from the past and see that love is the most important thing? 

 

<3 Frances  

That Friday Feeling & Movie Recommendations

It's easy to take things for granted.  School, the mountains, Friday night movies . . . we can get so swept up in the anxiety of anticipated moments that we forget to be present and appreciate the here and now.  But that's sad because the here and now are only around for a moment, and if we miss them, they're gone forever.
We've been very busy this week with back to school, work (I've got a new internship...), trying not to get sick (elderberries are so wonderful for that), and helping my grandfather transition home from rehab after breaking his hip.  Today is Friday, though, and it's got that "Friday feeling" because it means that the alarm can be set for 7:30 AM tomorrow instead of 5:15 AM.  That means a full 135 extra minutes of sleep!  Ever since I was little and my mum worked 13-hour days with at-risk students (and then came home to do more work at night), my family has had this little tradition of Friday night movie nights. We've gone through a Miyazaki period and then a Star Wars period and even watched all the Before Sunset movies (my brother wasn't as excited about those, lol), and seeing movies together has always been a comfort.  With that in mind, if you get the chance tonight, try to watch a movie with a loved one.  That can be anyone from a sibling to a parent to a friend to a cat to a stuffed animal to a plant :).  And if you're looking for movie recommendations . . . .

Me & Earl & the Dying Girl (2015)
I saw this movie recently, and my mum, brother, and I loved it very much--even though it made us all cry.  It's truly an art piece.  There are so many little details--sketches hidden in wallpaper, wonderlands cut into the pages of books--that add a lot of depth to the film visually, but all the characters and scenes have a realistic quality to them that makes you feel like, yes, you could know them in the real world.  I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but the movie (which is based on a book that I now really want to read) is about Greg, a sometimes directionless high school senior, and his relationships with people like his foreign film-loving best friend ("coworker") Earl, his eccentric parents, and Rachel, the "dying girl."  I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but the movie is beautiful and heartfelt and tragic all at once.  It also has really good music.

Demolition (2015)
My brother has been listening to "Crazy On You" on repeat ever since we saw this movie.  Despite the title, it's not at all an action or fighting movie with good guys or bad guys (not that those aren't fun movies to watch).  Instead, it's about relationships and loss.  Davis has just lost his wife in a horrible car accident, and he's going through an identity crisis, questioning the meaning of the world and if he's even capable of love.  Things seem disheartening at times, but by the end of the movie, you'll feel better (and of course a bit melancholy).

Heart: "Crazy On You"

The Princess and the Warrior (2000)
This is an older movie, and it's in German, but if you're willing to deal with subtitles, you won't regret it.  Sissi, a nurse in a psychiatric hospital, is hit by a bus and rescued by Bodo, a troubled bank robber haunted by the loss of his wife.  Sissi sets out to find Bodo to thank him for saving her, and their relationship ends up helping them both overcome the nightmares of the past.  Like Demolition and Me & Earl & the Dying Girl, The Princess and the Warrior has a rawness to it that makes it seem very, very real.  It's not glossy or glamorous--it's life. And that, in its own way, is quite beautiful.

TGIF!  What are some movies you've seen recently (or not so recently) that gave you the "Friday feeling" we wait all week to get?

<3 Frances

Quan Yin

At some point around 10:30 last night, I found myself reading aloud from a very old book of Chinese folk tales.  Random?  Yes. Worth it? Yes.  The smell of old books is, as anyone who's ever spent a million hours in a library or thrift store can tell you, pretty perfect, and so are Chinese paintings.  Looking at them is almost like meditating, and since I'm still not all that good at meditating, I'm using them as a sort of substitute for it.

 

Anyway, one of the folk tales I found was about Quan Yin (or Guan Yin or Kwan Yin, depending on your spelling preference), the Chinese Goddess of Mercy.  She wanted to join a nunnery instead of marrying, so her emperor father tried to have her beheaded (!), but she was saved by a spirit in the form of a tiger sent by the Emperor of Heaven. Needless to say, she escaped decapitation and then "thought only good thoughts" until she became "perfect" and the embodiment of love and sweetness.  From then on, she used her goddess status to save and protect people and grant them mercy and kindness.  Long story short: she's a pretty awesome example of girl power inspiration.  I'm part Chinese (though I learned most of my Eastern religion stuff from my non-Chinese side of the family), and I've always loved Quan Yin.  I have a small wooden statue of her living with one of my hermit crabs.  Learning about her last night was major motivation to be a more consciously compassionate person. I have a lot of compassion and empathy for others that I always act on, but I'd like to be more compassionate with going with the flow of things.  We live in a world that's very GO GO GO, faster faster faster, do do do, and it's challenging to pull back and just let things BE. Let yourself BE.  Stop trying to change, and let go of control.  What you're desperate to control often ends up controlling you.

"Let the magic happen. It’s always there. Abundance and love are always there. Believe in the highest good. There is a higher essence to everything. The realm you’re in has a heaviness that mutes energy. You can penetrate through it, no matter how dark and heavy. Sometimes it has nothing to do with karma. Just don’t forget to keep it open. Don’t get too bogged down…Prosperity can happen at any time. I want to give you everything that you need.-Kuan Yin"
-Beneficial Law of Attraction: The Manifestation Teachings

 <3 Frances

The Planet Sleeps

When I was a baby, I fell asleep listening to the faraway soundtrack of The Planet Sleeps, an album of lullabies from all corners of the world.  It was the late 1990s, and the world was a far more complicated place than I could've ever imagined from the security of a wicker bassinet.  War, poverty, and pain scarred the planet, but the lullabies of The Planet Sleeps connected the world in peace and love and calm.  That CD somehow made everything feel blue and starry, even if it wasn't, and I can't help but to think that its songs could save the world.  How could horror continue in the face of something so beautiful?

The cover art of The Planet Sleeps is magical realism-meets-indie (thank you, 1990s alternative scene!), and the album itself is/was a fundraiser for UNICEF. Inside, though, is when things get exciting.  Tucked into the album cover is a little booklet of the songs, their translations, and anecdotes about their origins.  Each anecdote is as poetic and special as the song it accompanies.  I learned, for instance, that "Oj Talasi," a lullaby from Bosnia and Herzegovina, was performed by The Trebevic Choir during a tumultuous time of war and strife.  Choir members met with each other to perform the song during a difficult winter despite cultural boundaries and wartime bombardment, and many of them later disappeared.  It's heartbreaking, and "Oj Talasi" is a poignant reminder of the need for peace and love for and between everyone.  Some of my other favorites from The Planet Sleeps are "Fais Do Do, Colin Mon Petite Frere" (France), "Schlafe Mein Prinzchen, Schlaf Ein" (Germany), and "Phnom Penh Lullaby" (Cambodia). But there are also songs from places like North America, Ireland, and New Zealand.

"Oj Talasi"

"Fais Do Do, Colin Mon Petite Frer"

No one is too old for lullabies.  The Planet Sleeps (available at Amazon) is a compilation of some of the best, and it's particularly important now in this time of so much unrest.  The world needs to be reminded that it is whole. We need to remember that, no matter where we come from, we all sleep under the same stars, and we need love now more than ever. 

<3 Frances







All the People...

Imagine all the people, living life in peace...

John Lennon: "Imagine"

<3 Frances